Tuesday, March 10, 2009

What Jelly Bean Flavor is Your Optimism?

Running is a drug. They explained it to me on cnn, or in health class, or something. Run long enough and you get high. It's hard to feel bad when your body feels so good. I've been running or walking everyday. I haven't had a dig since late December. I've needed it.

A couple days ago, after a half hour run, I still felt like shit. My drug was failing me. I decided I needed to run faster, next time, but I was so let down that I decided to indulge in some hard core daydreaming. Wham! I got a million bucks. From a book deal, no less. After taxes. Go.

I would buy or build my tiny house. Pimp it out a little, with some kinda solar-panel-energy-bike electricity hook-up. Pay off my student loans. Buy a truck to haul my tiny house wherever I wanted, and a moped for little errands (because where I want is warm. Like Miami). Write.

If you know me, you might be confused; that's because this is already what I want. I'd just get it faster.

(I don't know if I would still do archaeology or not. It's pretty fun; fun enough that I am rather do it than some of the better paying, benefits-including jobs out there. That is... pretty pursuasive.)

It's a really good feeling, knowing that if you got a million bucks, you would do what you're already doing, just faster. That was not the feeling I had in law school. If I randomly had financial security, I would have dropped out in a hot minute. I realized that the longer I stayed, the less financial security I would have, so I dropped out anyway.

I'm not on the wrong track. I'm not. It's just that my track seems to be headed through a giant freaking poison-ivy patch. It's ok. It still leads where I want to go. I just need to run a little faster, that's all.


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